Loow

The man raises his hand once again, this time with a small black pen pointing rather than his own finger. "Is fifty seven the confirmed figure for the death toll of Tajara caused by the collision? Your previous statement listed it as fifty three including wounded."

A man quietly raises a finger slightly above his head. "Yes... I also have a question regarding NanoTrasen's recent statements." The man appears to be middle aged with short, dark hair. He wars a bright blue blazer which clashes noticeably with the dark shades of the rest of his attire. "Steven Dushard, Sol Alliance News Network. While the death of any worker is a small tragedy, it hardly seems to merit such fanfare. Meanwhile, other subjects more germane to the people of Adhomai have barely been addressed. With this in mind, does NanoTrasen have any comment on the allegations that their company may have provided the weapons used by the People's Republic of Adhomai during the recent nuclear strikes?"

Honey's pretty easy to digest. Simple sugars and stuff. Yeah. Skrell could totally eat honey.

I have not seen a Tajara character like this in a while. You have passion. Passion's good. Character needs work though. Even ignoring lore, this one's well past the snowflake boundary. Sorry. We don't really do double-applications. It's just not our scene. Consider some of the feedback others have given. Everyone's suspiciously polite. And it scares me. I guess this application isn't just bait? Either way. Hope you have better server-luck than you've apparently had before. Servers are nice.

We could break this thread into several smaller, easy to chew threads. That's also been done, but it's a fine notion none the less. I guess I could mention feedback. Feedback is good. I give it sometimes and it's usually only 50% humor. Other people could give feedback too if they want. Also if people feel like trying their hand at writing and don't mind critical responses or commentary, they could try writing out character backstories or just scenes. I have seen a few of these that were pretty good. If nothing else, it's fun for the writer. So... If people wanted to write, that'd be cool. Get some feedback. Have some fun. Get judged by strangers. What's not to like?

Read the first half a sentence and the title. We have this talk every few months. I look forward to seeing how it goes this time. If it's in line with past trends, then nothing of consequence will happen. But don't stop. Edit to avoid double-posting: While not exactly new sentiments, it's nice to hear all that's been said again. I won't play it up like posting this is a very big accomplishment, but here's to hoping that a few people read this and find they agree with a detail or two. While I may not feel I know you or your RP, I can at least say you've got some perspective. Even if it is worded a tad self-righteously and drips with expectations of melodrama. Good on you, guy. Stay critical.

Yeah we've never talked about this as far as I know.

After reading this application, I have a few things to comment on. The bio is an interesting read and makes use a few interesting angles. I'm inclined to accept that an Izweski base had some NT tech shortly after first contact. Although certain individuals may rather have you believe the Unathi miraculously became proficient in every realm of late-space-age technology upon learning of its existence, I personally find it more believable that they excepted these "free gifts" from the nice folks in space and quickly began using them to develop their own tech. To sum this up, I like your mention of an NT reactor and I think Zarra's father would rightfully be seen as an asset considering his proficiency with space-age tech. I do however take issue with your comparison to the fallout universe. Unathi cities were around the tech level of 21st century Earth during first contact. Don't get me wrong. There were a lot of areas with lesser tech, but the tech-rich areas were beyond 1950's red-scare levels. Next, I'm a fan of the sort of wonder Zarra seemed to view things with as a child. It seems you've put quite a bit of thought into her development in that time period and it shows. Now let's talk about honor. Zarra's dad (while a nice guy, a family man, and a good tech) is essentially a deserter, is he not? When the Izweskis needed him, he was gone. He fled to be sure his family survived, but he could have gone back to help the people he was obligated to. While not necessarily the worst part of his day, the choice to abandon any sense of responsibility to his lords/hegemon/clan/home planet in favor of personal and familial safety likely would have weighed heavily on Mr. Tanasi. Ah, but the technicalities! He felt bound to repay the captain for saving his family, didn't he?! That's a very real internal conflict that the technolizard could have experienced. When your world is upside down, do you honor obligations to those above you or repay a debt of gratitude to the man who saved your family? I suppose what I'm trying to say is that the father, while technically a disloyal cuss who left his home to burn for years while he served filthy xenos, is incredibly interesting. I can definitely see how having Old Man Tanasi as a father could provide for some interesting RP, not just with Traditionalists, but with anyone. Maybe not everyone she mentions it to is so understanding of why he abandoned Moghes. Maybe she doesn't like to mention it. Or worse. Maybe she thinks it's perfectly fine. Which brings me to my next topic! Zarra abandoned her family to venture off alone and work with aliens. While she was born into a time where aliens are a confirmed fact of life, this is still something that should be considered. Is this evidence that Mr. Tanasi has "failed" as a father? First of all, Zarra is female. Women in Unathi society are considered to be more similar to property than in our society. I guess that's your 1950's influence there. Dad goes to work. Mom stays at home to take care of the house and the kids. Ms. Tennessee has 1. No man to chaperone her. 2. The ability to cut ties with her family to pursue (objectively) selfish goals. 3. The "cowardice" to do so through a letter. 4. No credentials what so ever. It's also worth mentioning that fun buzz phrases like "strong willed lizardwoman who don't need no man" have been thrown around in recent memory. With as many times as it's been said in the past, it would feel wrong not to say it now. Now let's talk about how this case of "hot young scaly singles in your area" is semi-plausible if we accept a few factors. If Mr. T has in fact failed in raising her by Unathi standards, not curtailed her youth habit of talking to alien crew out of curiosity, and spent too long working on the freighter rather than getting his family back in Unathi society... Then we have ingredients. (Reminder, our current station is the NSS Exodus. ) Release the new base already, mapping team. The end of your bio is where it really speeds up and leaves the reader (at least in my case) less satisfied. From an app perspective, it says what it wants to be said quickly and wraps it up. From a writing perspective, it's a bit jarring. The section in question: Most notably, there's a harsh transition from inspiration to ugly separation. One moment she's in awe of technology and how one individual can make a difference, the next she's running away from home. Contrary to what movies and tweens who wear eyeliner seem to believe, it's not a normal life transition to just run away from home. In a society that values loyalty, even less so. Deviation from societal norms aside, it pains me that we're barely given any reason why she left. What's more, the reason we are given doesn't quite match up with the dramatic way she left. Sssorry mom and dad, but I want to protect the inosssent! xoxo, Zarra You did a fine job of portraying themes beforehand, but it seems to fall apart in the area of the bio where you had to wrap the story up. This criticism is a little less glaring. The age she left: 18. In our society, this is basically considered to be the age when "I don't have to put up with your shit any more, Dad! Brad and I are moving to Santa Monica and all we need to survive is our love!" Using this age feels like a cop out to me. Again, it's my own opinion. You can write whatever you want, but I just wouldn't use it. Running away at the age of eighteen makes Zarra seem like she has even less loyalty to her elders than she would look without it. Like she was just waiting for the day she got "old enough" and had been full of angst for years. TL;DR Running away from home makes her seem "edgy" and remembering that she did so while very young, with little reason given beyond idle wants, and in such a dramatic manner increases the severity of the edge provided. Section on Zarra's youth: Pretty good. Section on Zarra's inspiration: Interesting. Section on Zarra: Teen drama with very little explained or fleshed out. Now to comment on the comments. Poze made an excellent point on hyper-honor. A lot of players stressed the honor far too hard as an excuse to be violent. It's much less prominent now than it once was, but we should all stand strong in our defense against the Stark, you've gotten quite a bit of positive feedback. I hope you appreciate some criticism to balance it out. Yourself and another player pointed me at this thread and said "feedback wanted" so I figured you wouldn't mind some blunt opinions here and there. Mixed in a bit of humor and reference material for good measure. I tend to take an interest when I comment on a character design, and I hope my many, many words help you flesh out your character in your own mind. As a last word of advice in this post, I'd say elaborate on her later life. You don't necessarily have to, but it's a common trend I see in apps to have immense detail and wonderfully crafted specifics about early life and then sum up their adult life with a few words. It's all about writing what you want to write. (Within reason. No space orcs pls.) I might comment again if I'm feeling talkative. Have fun and keep being inspired.

http://i.imgur.com/9D0IQsB.png Pluat System Rejoins Federation: Jrugl Elaborates Editors note: Translated to Basic. Grand Councilor Weashbi Jrugl ended today's meeting of the Grand Council with an unexpected announcement. "After several days of deliberation, the decision has been made to allow for an expansion of the Grand Council's membership. These additions will be chosen from the current citizenry of the Pluat system." By extending the Grand Council to include members from Pluat, Grand Councilor has confirmed rumors that negotiations have been reopened between independent systems and the Nralakk Federation. Jrugl called for his afternoon press conference to be extended and used the extra time to elaborate on the situation. During this conference, the Grand Council opted to speak in one of the many Human languages. "Foreign entities may need this explanation, so I will deliver it in Tau Ceti Basic, a language many members of the galactic community understand. Following the Third Incident and the ensuing destruction, the majority of systems under Skrell influence were without effective means to communicate with one another. As Nralakk rebuilt, it also reopened trade and communications between these systems. Many saw the importance of cooperation. These systems were slowly integrated into stellar politics, whereas a subset of systems insisted on retaining their independence from Nralakk for a variety of reasons. The city of Tresja was the site of the Tresja Agreement, in which many of these systems were officially recognized as part of the Nralakk Federation. Pluat's leaders chose not to attend. " No official statements regarding the independent systems have been released to the public for over sixty years, and many are wondering if this annexation will lead the other systems to follow Pluat's example. With the system's government now officially aligned with the Nralakk Federation, it is believed that the Nralakk Naval forces patrolling the borders between Pluat and the rest of Skrellian space will gradually be reassigned to other duties.

Hey. Loow here. After reading this complaint, I can once again chalk another tiff down to "poor communication" between parties involved. From what I can see, there was static between the AI, who was the "cool" synthetic who talks like people, and the captain, who was the "angry" command member frustrated that something was throwing off his groove. Surface level: These characters should not have had the issues they had and should have instead focused on the possible nuclear issue and hostage situation. Player level: LR shouldn't have jumped the shark with the "Skrell hate AI, therefore extremism is ok in this case". Now as for Skrell v Synths. Currently, there's very few incidents that I have seen in which a Skrell overreacted harshly on the synth front. I have however seen quite a bit of overreaction on the part of non-skrell characters. "Your people dislike Synthetics; everything you say about a synthetic is false". It's a hell of a show, but it's not the point. Garn, you loyal. You likable. You also need to step it up with your AI RP. Just taking the opportunity to say it now. You don't need me telling you this. LR, you clearly like doing #justskrellthings but you took it too far in this case. You don't need me to explain that to you, and you seem to understand where you went wrong. Delta, I'd be mad at you for including memes in your comment, but I have very little ground to stand on myself. Nanako, you were correct about the AI acting "Un-synthetic" and you get a little gold star for that. Mofo, you're a perfect example of what I consider to be a Skrell RD done right. You're aware of the way things "could look" oocly and you jump through a lot of hoops to avoid valid hunting. Garn makes the case that all Skrell in command are presently done poorly, and it makes me happy that I had at least one case to point to and say "not all of them." You worry about consequences to the point where it looks cumbersome. However, this raises the issue of "are there just a lot of poorly done skrell that I haven't paid enough mind?" And this is where I mention Owen. Thank you for bringing this up. Anyone who is worried about how a skrell is being played, feel free to pm me concerns so that I may at least keep an eye out. Or as Owen did, make a complaint. LordRaven did in fact bring this complaint to my attention as he said he would. He understands where he went wrong. He accepts any punishment he might receive. This is generally the part where I should say "you're a good guy" and give a verbal warning. As was said previously, stripping a whitelist would be a very "heavy handed" measure to take. I am partial to the "heavy handed" measure in this case because it effectively is a slap on the wrist. LR, I know you're capable of doing better. I'm going to strip your Skrell whitelist. In this case, I feel a wait time of only a week is appropriate before reapplying. When you had minor issues in the past, you reacted very well to feedback. By reapplying, you will be able to see if anyone out there has feedback to give you. I also want to make something clear to any prospective Skrell command players reading. You can mess up. You can make mistakes. These things happen now and then. Just be willing to take your feedback afterwards and a punishment if you go far too far. These sort of things happen to everyone. After all, we're only human. TL;DR SkrellWhitelist strip. Reapply available after a week.

Give it.

I'm less than ecstatic that we're seeing another application so soon with very little time taken to flesh out or present this player's newly-written Skrell on the station. This is not necessarily damnable form on Nursiekitty's part, but it is not exactly commendable either. I'm avoiding posting too much harsh stuff in here at the moment because I've been quite thorough, if not somewhat severe, in my feedback as of late. For the same reason, I'm skipping the incredibly drawn out post style on this one. I can not say I hate the character design because NK asked for clarification on one or two themes present in this application before posting and actually asked around to be sure certain details made sense. If nothing else, I can say she did her homework on this. It does have its potential flaws, but it appears that both Hive and the player are at least aware of them. I can also say with some certainly that this application will likely pass regardless of anything I post here. The player is not considered to be grossly incompetent and has a history that is typically described as "pretty good" among the playerbase. I've addressed or will address any gripes or criticism and encourage anyone else to do the same. Maybe I'll do the longer response style later, but for now it just seems like it would be unnecessary effort. The application not bad, but it is not stellar. Mediocre means average. In regards to actually playing characters: NK obviously does better portraying them through play than through summary. With as much as people seem to love Phoebe, I doubt a two paragraph blurb would sell them on her. What got her any amount of renown was being on the station and interacting with crew. To sum it up, the application is fine, but not crazy good. The player is good. The design is alright and had some effort put into it. We won't know how it'll work out until we see it in action, but it doesn't seem like it'll be regrettable.

I posted some feedback on the writing style of another piece not too long ago, and now I've got a taste for blood. It looks like nobody else is going to give you feedback you can use, so here I am. Actually, I began drafting this the other day. In the last 24-ish hours it seems you got more useful feedback. Props to Kaed for being honest and to Fire for asking questions near the start. Let's cut the formalities and get right to it. This application is so filled with snow that it has to empty out its boots and take off its coat before entering its own home. My tentative plan is to mark special details about the character with * and general notes on writing with %. My first comment is on the first thing a reader sees. The title. "NebulaFlare's Lizardbeast (I mean Unathi) Application" Poor form. Quips That Offer Little Substance: A Tajar-... An Unathi female with an attitude.* This is rare enough in its own right because of the race's traditional and societal views. To put it lazily, it pretty much sucks to be a female Unathi. They're discouraged from reading, the law pretty much treats them like property, and they're occasionally used as a reason for one clan to fight another clan. The fact that she talks mad smack with any male is almost as surprising as how readily he takes it. Next, she uses the word "ligger" in character.% Say what you will, this is a sin in my mind and frankly feels like a cop out. I can't remember ever seeing someone saying any insults on par with "catbeast" and thinking "hey, that's a well RPed character!" Your mother is a girl. And while I'm stating the obvious, her adorable and spunky nature is basically the cultural equivalent of spitting in her father's face. Being so openly disrespectful to her family, even if it is just to show how cute and independent she is, would not be considered "okay." The Issues Regarding Ouere : I'd like to of course start off by saying that anyone from Ouerea is a snowflake. By definition. This is just how it works. I don't make the rules. * Any place with that many accepted spellings is just a hive for exceptions. Time: First of all, Ouerea was colonized on February 3rd, 2438. It was very recent. Let's say the village Mazaka is from was founded on that exact day. Mazaka wondered on her own for two years before meeting a human who essentially googled her clan to find the closest male to drop her off with. The current year is 2458. Out of the 20 years of colonization, 10 of them were effectively a time skip and two of them were spent looking for a home. For the sake of entertaining myself, I assumed she was born on the planet. This would make Mazaka roughly 8 years old when she broke the heart of that nice boy who had just killed her parents and brothers. She's a heartbreaker and a killer, fellas! She's a young, strong-willed, independent Lizardwoman who don't need no man! And she's single because she wants to be ecks dee! She told her father not to have her married off? And the clan he refused responded by razing their homes and murdering them in the night? I have difficulty accepting this. What's more, I find it to be incredibly poor writing to have her literally killing him while telling him that she's too good to marry him. This note isn't quite as severe. Slain. Just a spelling error. You had it right in the last paragraph. I'd also like to suggest the same friendly drinking game I brought up last time I responded to an extended writing. Take a shot every time the main character's name is used. "Mazaka" is said nearly three dozen times in the story section alone. It's not a big deal. Just a good game to get trashed to. And this repetition makes the reading experience harsher to the eye, I suppose. But seriously. Drink responsibly. These settlements aren't exactly ancient. They wouldn't be backwoods hicks or tribals. In fact, the planet was largely governed by Human and Skrell officials until about a year before the present date. I doubt they would need a "village elder" to convince them that the aliens have something to teach them. Did she just teach the guy who's been living on his own how to cook? More specifically, could this guy not figure out how to get the other side of his food warm? Is he thick? 1. The cities of Ouerea are quite large today. I'd like to take this moment to remind any prospective applicants that this planet could have had villages at some point, but I think it's much more likely that she's from a slum. Would the Unathi who agreed to settle under the watch of aliens promptly bug off and make shacks or would they settle in the cities they were building? Smart money's on cities. Urbanization. And eventual overcrowding leading to the fun slum-life it has today. 2. Proactive in regards to what? Surely not the attitudes of their children. Snotty little brats are out of control. Anyone who settled on this planet was fairly "proactive" in leaving Moghes before an all-out war broke out. This sentence seems to just be a thin reason for her "nontraditional" attitudes. Apparently she didn't even need to then. She straight up killed someone in one on one combat without as much as a flesh-wound. She went from checking on her little brother to murdering a guy with no hesitation or regret with a few seconds. Although it's easy to pick apart anything, you're not "bad" at RP. Do please keep in mind that your character designs have a tendency to be on the side of extraordinary or at least come across as similar. Fire and Glory asked some great questions, and you have answered about half of them. However, it leaves the worrying thought in my mind that you submitted this application with a "half-baked" idea of what you wanted. This reads like a joke. "Man, this race is a bunch of idiots. Maybe I can make one that's not shit, am I right?" As much as I enjoy cyberbullying jackboot and insulting his work to his face, I haven't had the gumption to make a joke application. I've got to remember to do that later... Now I have to back up and say some nice things about the Unathi. They're loud, annoying, aggressive, violent, and stubbornly backwards lizard-beasts. If this is what you're seeking to prove wrong with Mazaka, you're doing it in a funny way. Being from a one-horse village with an elder and missionaries when there's perfectly fine cities nearby. Making her backstory include the murder of her family because someone "loved her too much" or was "too dishonored" by being denied a wife to add to his literal harem. Maybe I'll discover they're not the violent monstrosities after all. Mazaka literally killed a dude who was saying he didn't want to hurt her. You're saying you'll be countering the stereotypes by making a "loud, annoying, aggressive, violent, and stubbornly backwards lizard-beasts" who is even louder and more aggressive. What? I'm at a loss here. It looks like nobody else is actually reading this application. Even if we ignore the "lore" because history is "too constrictive", this character design is objectively ridiculous. The people who commented on this app, as far as I know, are pretty capable in their own right. Did only three of us read it? Am I just overly critical? Is this real life? I can't even begin to approve of this application. Please. Take the feedback. Neb. You're better than this. You can do better than this. -1.

In the past, Alberyk has done a fine job of portraying characters in the manner he wishes to portray them. Having spoken briefly with Alberyk about his application, I can say that he has put thought into this character and looks forward to putting them on the station. A little constructive criticism and commentary on this application suggests that I'm not the only one who will be watching. Let's see how Dr. Aulwana’Neyat fits into her new habitat. Application Accepted.

Canon has proven to be capable of creating respectable characters in the past, and I have no reason to believe that this will be an exception. After reading this application and speaking with Canon about his prospective Skrell character, I feel I can say that he has put some effort into Qleshi-Ras and has a good grasp on the species. While this application does not have much positive player feedback, it has much less negative feedback. What could possibly go wrong? Application Accepted.

I disagree.

http://i.imgur.com/9D0IQsB.png Summit Brings High Hopes to All but Usurpers Editors note: Translated to Basic. The Summit between the Nralakk Federation and Izweski Hegemony has come to a close, but political cooperation seems to only have just begun. The time and location of the Summit was chosen before the death of Hegemon Heir Yakt Izweski rendered Hegemon S’kresti Izweski grief-stricken. With Hegemon succession procedures still under debate, it was unclear which of the originally chosen Nralakk Federation Representatives would attend the event. As reporters were escorted into the Mendell Convention Centre, it became clear that under representation was not among the Federation's concerns. According to Representative Kautlois Hiluo-Q'luatop, word of Hegemon Prince Not'Zar Izweski's involvement in the Summit sparked a dramatic increase in interest to the already monumental meeting. Measures had to be taken by Tau Ceti hosts to accommodate six Federation politicians including Representative Hiluo-Q'luatop, Representative Quax'lin Rolfpt-Lriosh, and even Grand Councilor Weashbi Jrugl himself. The statements given by these individuals, Hegemon Heir Izweski and the esteemed nobility who accompanied him suggests that progress has been made to engender growth between their political bodies and the people they represent. As Representative Kautlois Hiluo-Q'luatop states: "Through vigilance and action, destruction at the hands of synthetic units can be avoided. By progressing forward together, we can be sure that all organic life is protected." This sentiment of understanding and cooperation was clearly present among both groups. Such can be seen in a statement given by Heir Not'Zar Izweski. "I've always been fascinated by their history. We have a lot to learn from them and I really hope I can continue our dialogue. Their experience at the hands of Glorsh is something Unathi can learn from and it really gives me a new perspective." When questioned on his attendance, Grand Councilor Jrugl cordially expressed his approval of the warming relations between the two nations. "This Federation is glad to conduct diplomacy with the Hegemony and has nothing but respect for the Hegemon and his legitimate successors." Sadly, these ideals of growth were not shared by Lord Regent S'linzar Ickza. Ickza, previously considered to be a loyal follower of Hegemon S’kresti Izweski, quickly began making claims to the Hegemon's position within mere hours of the late Heir Yakt Izweski's funeral. During the days leading up to the Summit, S'linzar Ickza was attempting to ordering esteemed members of Izweski society to step down. Among those Ickza sought to depose were many vital organizers of the Hegemony's scientific community, government and military. After failing to quietly force the resignation of a number of dissenting officials, S'linzar Ickza has directly challenged Heir Not'Zar Izweski's right to lead. Federation Representatives were reached to for comment on Ickza's actions and had much to say. Representative Kautlois Hiluo-Q'luatop, whom takes the Izweski Hegemony as his Entity of Interest, in particular was more than willing to speak to reporters on the situation of Moghes and Ourea. Following promising declarations of solidarity from both sides of the summit, it is clear that relations between the Izweski Hegemony and the Nralakk Federation have improved. Time will tell whether this will prove to be a trend with the Izweski Hegemony or a memory to the Ickza Hegemony.

Very good, Delta. Read the threads next time. Edit for the sake of making your life easier:

What is your occupation? Security Officer What is your biological species? Human What racial category do you find yourself in? NAC born and raised. On a scale of one to ten, with one being never and ten being all the time, how often do you find yourself working in the same department as members of other species? That's a ten. Do you find members of other species to be generally reliable? Unreliable? Explain. Reliable. You look around hard enough and you see the same kind of people putting in the same kind of effort. I've seen Unathi clothesline creeps who were wailing on Tajaran officers. Chassises patroling along with Humans. Skrell watching out for nonskrell. You've gotta be able to trust that the guy beside you will back you up if things go south. If you care about your job, you don't spend too much time thinking about race. You're too busy working. On a scale of one to ten, with one being never and ten being all the time, how often do you find yourself spending leisure time outside of work with a member or members of another species? Six. Mendell City's the place to be no matter your species. Do you have friends who are of another species? Hell yeah, I do. Patrolled with a M'sai for years. Great guy. Solid work ethic. Have you gone out of your way to assist a member of another species? Elaborate. Yes. I work in security. Despite what some people think, watching out for people is our job. Are you attracted to members of another species? Do you have a preference? Nah. I'm pretty much just into Humans. Maybe my dick's racist. Have you had romantic, intimate, or sexual contact with a member of another species? Can't say I have. Have you, or are you currently, in an intimate relationship with a member of another species? Explain the nature of the relationship. You guys are really covering all your bases with this "sexual preference" section aren't you? No. Have you had a prior altercation of any variety with a member of another species? Please explain. Yeah. I work in security, see? Walking into altercations comes with wearing the boots. For some reason, at least a few out of every species thinks being asked to "come along" is a good reason to start swinging. I'd be surprised if anyone in security only ever had to make arrests on their own species. Have you taken part in any military engagement in which the opposing force was primarily made up of members of a different species? Does cleaning up a bar fight between two wasted Tajara count? Have you been the victim of a crime in which the perpetrator was of another species? About as many as I get from my own species. "Asshole" should really be a check-box on the post-arrest report forms. What is your definition of specism/racism? Assuming anyone gives a damn about your culture. Human or otherwise. What do I give about a guy's history? If he's an jerk, he's a jerk. Same time, I don't expect people to take special care on account of my race. Little self absorbed to think anyone thinks you're special enough to single out, isn't it? Do you hold any discriminatory beliefs against another species? Yeah. You ever met a human? Those guys are fucking pricks. Do some people consider you to be a specist or a racist? I just said I don't sleep around with other species, so yeah. That probably makes me bigot to someone out there. Do you consider yourself to be a specist or a racist? No. Have you encountered, or been the victim of, a hate crime during your time aboard the station? Yeah. People really hate officers on the Tau Ceti stations. You got a survey fishing for that kind of discrimination yet? Have you noticed if specism is endemic to any departments? Elaborate.Weird enough, civilian. I see engineers, doctors and scientists shrug off little bits of friction they get from strangers. Even bartenders and janitors roll with the punches. Poor cargo and mining are fifty fifty. Either you have some quartermaster spewing slurs, or someone below him complaining about getting tread on. I've had maybe three times in all my time in security that a civilian came in to report that they were being treated unfairly. The rest of the time, we've got to listen to radio chatter and check it out and drop by to ask people if things are alright. Some people just feel content complaining, y'know? Do you consider members of the Command Staff to be discriminatory towards people of another species? Elaborate. From what I've seen, no. Have you been the victim of discrimination by Security? Every day. Fuck security. All officers should be fired. Do you believe that there is a proper apparatus in place for reporting and handling discrimination? Yeah. A few. Security. Internal Affairs. IR forms. Even Command. People just need to get off their asses.

Now I'm not saying I like this and volunteer to help out... but I like this and volunteer to help out.

Your mother is a woman. Seriously though. Thank you for taking a moment to look at feedback.

Clearly this is just another set up for a sexy snowflake shell character. It's got it all. Mentioning of a shell rather than a chassis. The inclusion of pronouns to denote two "objects" as male and female, hinting to the possibility of romance between the two as they go into sleep mode near one another. Including pseudo emotional outbursts on the part of the soulless machine. The equivalent of a sort of hive mind or inner thought construct with separate voices that designates the main character as special. I also offer the friendly drinking game of "take a shot every time you read the word 'Echo'" in this story. Now that I've gotten that out of my system, I can say that a character of mine met Echo on station and they did not seem unpleasant. You clearly care about the character premise and are having a lovely go of it. It can easily be written off as a stylistic choice, but I feel that this piece (and any others you choose to write from here on out) could benefit from a decimation of repeated words. The current draft of this story has the word "Echo" no less than seventy times including the plural form "Echos". Again, this can be said to be a stylistic choice. Regardless of intention, it does make the work less appealing to the eye and adds... texture to the reading experience. Another wonderful example of a textured reading experience is sandpaper. This repetition is not entirely tasteless, but simply being aware of it makes certain areas seem than they could otherwise appear. For example: As a fond admirer of irony, I have to stop and appreciate that I'm finding fault in the constant echo of echo. It's for the comedic value alone that I want to say that this was on purpose. Sadly, it's still something that makes the work suffer. Even if it is hilarious. Now onto the robot ship! This is less of a critique and more of a collection of observations. Here's the play by play breakdown of robosexuality that you never asked for. Prepare yourself. Echo-Senpai was having a lucid dream a mere few feet away from "female" robot waifu. Truly nothing is more romantic than helping your partner cope with their night terrors. Instantly visualized an IPC placing their cold, unfeeling hands on another IPC's cold, unfeeling face. This sort of contact shows a certain level of familiarity. At this point, it becomes especially clear that you've really doubled down on the idea that Robo-Love rather than Robo-friendship. My concern is that you, like so many great men before you, may get so caught up in the hunt for a pure robot waifu or husbando that you will effectively lose your way and neglect the other themes you might enjoy writing. Your character doesn't have to revolve around the concept who they're with unless you want them to. It would have been nice to see a wider glimpse of Echo's life aside from work and worry in the second half of this writing or more details on his thoughts about said worries. Instead, we're given a look at his sinful attachment to a filthy incompatible. She's clearly trying to corrupt you and cast you away from the safety of the hive mind, Echo. Don't believe her lies. As an aside, your use of color does a wonderful job of showing the varying voices and their unique perspectives within the "dream sequence" but I still find the "back to reality" section more familiar simply because of the uniform use of normal font colors. Keep doing what you're doing. I love the passion you're putting into the character, his/her/its/pyrofox's premise, and its "internal" struggle to conform to the hive mind. I'm not entirely sure what's going on with this romance here or if it adds any depth to the character at all, but you seem to make the character your own and are fleshing them out as you deem appropriate. Keep having fun with your stuff and please report to your nearest Mendell City police station for tagging.

Another relative first! This app brings with it the first instance of a Skrell Application featuring "Navy brat" (as far as I can remember). If not, well it certainly feels new to me. This character seems to take a special focus on the theme of colonization and appears to be based in several solid Skrell ideals of intellectual growth. It's quite a change from the grizzled old miner of the old days and the pinnacle of Unathi robustness from recent memory. I'll also likely stop saying this on apps when it becomes too bothersome, but feel free to send me a message if you'd like to ask any Skrell questions or chat about your character. I always have little questions and comments or can make some up if needed. It can't hurt. Probably. This applications will be kept open for "several days or longer" before I make a decision. As always, I would like to hear/see/read feedback on Alberyk as a player, his characters, and anything else of that nature from any players who feel like sharing.

I'm a fan of the first person perspective. This biography reads like a cross between an autobiography and a slam poetry session. It's certainly raised some questions while conveying the voice of the character. It also provides some interesting perspective on how he ended up on our lovely station. I haven't seen many Skrell go the Ourean route thus far. This is the first application-made Skrell I can recall who was actually there when Skrell and Humanity had their ambitious go at helping the budding Unathi get some colonial experience. It might be a treat to see how one one of our Unathi regulars chooses to portray a filthy xeno who lived alongside the Unathi for an extended period of time. Tentative plan is to leave this application open for feedback for "a few days minimum" before making a judgement one way or another. Also, if you want to be bothered with needless questions about the character, his history, or anything mildly Skrell related, please feel free to send my a PM and/or contact me over discord. Channel your inner waterboy. PS: I'd love it if people posted some feedback on this app/canon as a player/anything, so feel free to go nuts, people.

It's not a problem. Passion is good.