Loow

A few things I see: Skrell space is "smaller" and "thinner" in this map, as if a lot of Skrellian space exploration was a quest to make first contact with the Humans they would one day meet. Jargon is even further from Sol, making it feel even stranger that their territory seems to expand mostly in one direction. Uueoa-Esa is seemingly even further from the frontier worlds they have periodic spats with. The Frontier Union has real estate quite a bit away from Anklan. Don't get me wrong. I kind of appreciate the yellow dots. It gives a feel like there might be politics in space. I also see Elyran friends have a healthy amount of space along with the glorious empire. I'm half tempted to flesh out a few systems a little more so they may one day merit a dot on this map. Overall, LF, this map has a nice look to it. I still think Jargon space is a little "small, thin, and in one direction." I would appreciate if it was "fattened" a little bit, at least around Jargon. Still, I really like what you've done with Skrell space and the map as a whole. The "Orion Spur" angle gives us a lot more universe to theorize about, and reminds us that space is vast. Helpful reminder, [mention]Zundy[/mention], Sedantis hasn't been included in known space. I don't think it's "missing" so much as "was not included" in this map. Oh yeah. LF. The Taj and Scalie worlds are a little isolated. Human frontier, imho, ought to reach closer to those two systems. Biased Skrell loredev demands Skrell borders be expanded. Could this map potentially be updated to include more dots and such in the future, or would it be incredibly difficult to change like the old map? Be the change you want to see in the map.

Hey there. Loow here. There's a lot of love in this character design and in this backstory. There's plenty of feedback here, and it all seems to be singing praises. Let me take a moment and just say good job. I want to see how you bring this character to life, and it looks like a lot of other people do too. Application Accepted.

Good to see this app got more feedback! I'll keep this response short since I already bothered Ally with some feedback earlier in the app. From the looks of things, people seem confident that Ally can handle a Skrell whitelist. I'm looking forward to seeing how you portray a local fish out of water. I think it's about time for Ker’los Dyroshi to jump onto the station. Application Accepted. [/img]

Hey there. Loow here. Let's hit the ground running. I would like to have some back-and-forth with the applicant before this weekend's out. Ideally, the applicant would respond as soon as possible. This would give us more time to communicate. We've had a recent influx of Skrell applications, and I find change to be scary. If we're having a sudden influx of accepted applications, then it's likely I'm slipping. It's time to be critical again. You want feedback. I'm happy to hear it. Sometimes people assume they're going to get a whitelist just for filling out an application, and that typically makes it tough for them when and if it gets denied. I'm glad that you realize that there's always room for improvement. I hope this helps you. Let's talk about the biography and your character design for Ky'los Dyroshi. There are some problems to point out and comments to be made. As always, I recognize that grammar is hard. Nobody is perfect. English isn't everyone's first language. Etc. That said, applications largely depend on the applicant's writing ability. It's better to be noticeably good than noticeably bad or average. Applying for a species is your chance to show off. "His family has lived on Mendell for almost a century for Ker'los was conceived." I think you meant to type "before" here. If that's the case, then let's examine a possible issue or misunderstanding. Skrell and Humanity had first contact in 2413 CE. It is currently 2459 CE. That's about 46 years from the two species discovering one another to now. They couldn't have lived on Biesel (Remember: "Mendell" is Mendell City, a city on the planet Biesel.) for anywhere close to a century yet. Let alone a century before their Ker'los' conception. This is a pretty worrying miscommunication. I'm glad it was caught here rather than on the station. I find it a little strange that this application goes out of its way to say that Ker'los is from Mendell City (a pretty diverse place which was founded by Humans) only to isolate him away from other species. Saying that any non-human could be "sheltered" from other species in Mendell City is a little confusing. Didn't his parents live there for a while before he was born? Why would they go out of their way to make sure that he isn't around Humans if they liked humans enough to move there in the first place? I do like the bit you mention about how "He has learned to hide this confusion well under a layer of dedication to his work." It shows some level of insight into the character's personality. This section also sheds some light on Ker'los as a person, and I'm happy it's there. Dragonspare left you some pretty good feedback, and you wrote a pretty good response. I'm happy that they thought critically about your character design and weren't afraid to point out flaws. I'm happy that your response gave us more insight into your character design. I suggest you continue to advertise the app to get more feedback and continue to consider it like you did with Dragonspare's comments. (Remember: You can post a link to your Application once per round in the station's OOC chat!) I want to keep this application open for at least a few more days in the hopes that you get more feedback, continue to have a discussion about your application/character design/previous rp, and hopefully enjoy the writing process. Whether this application gets denied or accepted, I want to at least get the feeling that you gained something from the experience.

I would unironically like this. It may be a bit spectacular, but it might be fun to see this sort of thing play out in a round. I'm not sure if it's something we'll end up changing the map to accomplish, but the sheer showmanship of such an interaction has the potential to be incredibly entertaining.

Hey there. Loow here. There's a little bit of feedback here, but you could use more. I'm here to keep the conversation going. First off. There are a few grammatical errors, but I can still read your application. It's not perfect, but it's definitely not the worst I've seen. I understand that English isn't everyone's first language and that grammar is a complicated thing. Good spelling usually tells me how much effort someone puts into an app. A few mistakes here and there are natural in anything, but I tend to see applications as a chance for people to really show off. Applicants can show off a character design, their thoughts on a species, their opinions on lore, and even their writing ability. It's really satisfying for me, and hopefully for the person applying too, when an app comes around that clearly has some thought put into it. I could go on, but I want to stop and make sure that I remember to mention player feedback again. To me, player feedback is one of the most important parts of an application. How much do people write and what do they write? I like seeing when an app (and its feedback) gives me a good picture of an applicant, their whitelist character, their previous characters/rp, and what people think of the app's character-concept. On that note, please make sure you get more feedback. You can post a link to your application once per round in the server's OOC chat. More feedback, good or bad, helps. Sorry if this next part is a little rude. Hey, [mention]Datamatt[/mention] you're not in big trouble. When you respond to someone's app, I have to ask that you don't "gloss over" the backstory. Don't get me wrong. I'm happy that you're replying at all. I also understand that characters largely form and change over time. Character concept and backstory is an important part of the process, and anything you might want to say about it could be a good conversation topic that could really help the app. Even if it's something that might look "negative" like finding an issue or asking a question, chances are it will help the app. It usually shows someone's taken the time to read it, that they care about it, or that they're at least paying attention and not just offering blind support. Again, thank you for offering feedback on the recent Skrell apps. Every little bit really does help. On that note, I do have some questions/comments for Seb. Am I reading this right? I'm not sure if this says that she was one of eight eggs which all hatched or if she's just one of the eight eggs. Basically, do they have seven siblings? Next. I really like this part right here. It's a relatively simple explanation for why they would work abroad, but it makes complete sense for a Skrell. It also sort of implies a sort of "wonder" to me. Maybe I'm just looking too deeply into it. Either way, I liked that detail. Moving on. You have at least a couple more days, so try and get more feedback in the meantime. Anything is better than nothing, but I would love to see some more conversation about your application.

Hey there. Loow here. You have some feedback. A pretty good amount of feedback for a new app. It even touches on your character concept, previous characters, previous rp and conduct. I'm here to keep the conversation going and maybe encourage some more dialogue. I'm glad to hear you liked reading the lore. I'll admit it might not all be gold, but I think it's developing a certain character to it. I'd like to hear more about those "little bits" that grab your attention as well. The sort of things that catch your attention, what you might want to touch on with your character. Maybe even what you don't like that much. It might be a fun thing to think about. You decided to take the "two paragraphs minimum" route. That's brave. Typically, longer biographies help an application. It gives people more to grab onto, connect with, and talk about. One thing from the bio in particular stood out to me. This and the parts surrounding it scream to me that there's some general spark of a character in Kere'Selsh. I still believe that longer bios are "better" or more helpful for applying, but your two-paragraph bio has something to it. Maybe there's more to hear here. Either way, it hints toward some kind of passion. And that's good. Your app definitely tells about the idea of a Skrell character, but I'd like to hear about the character himself. You mentioned: "I wanted to give them a sort of framework for a personality, reason to be driven, etc. and then build from there." I can respect that, but I would really, really appreciate a little more substance. I would like to hear about this "I never make bad decisions" attitude. Or anything you'd like to talk about really. Before I forget. There's a WIP page that I haven't really linked very well on the wiki. It's meant to touch on the kinds of places Skrell come from. Systems and things like that. It's not finished, but maybe it could be an interesting read. Don't be afraid to talk more about your character concept. Worst case, it will show you care. Oh, and keep advertising your app. You can post a link to it once per round on the server's OOC chat.

Sorry for the delay. I like your answers, and I feel like I have a better idea of what you're going for with Karak Virul. I'm acting on this now.

I typically prefer"filling in blanks" over "undoing" certain aspects of lore. Typically. Doubling back on the Diona-Skrell contact date at all would be something I would not accept. It may not seem like it, but the date for Dionae discovery isn't completely arbitrary. Dionae discovery is set around the time Skrell surpassed or "caught up" with the technology of their old way of life, now revitalized to be more centered on the user and avoid the crutch of AI. Dionae should be seen as a step forward in a time where scientists might be asking "where do we go now? What's next?" The (as you put it) "We discovered Diona and integrated them into society" arc isn't exactly over. The fact that it happened at all when it did, in my opinion, primes the Skrell to eventually meet Humanity. Keep in mind, the last "new beings" they met before Dionae were the ones they made. And that didn't go very well for them. Dionae are a more gradual arc, I guess. Next, I want to touch on the reasons you've provided for "undoing" the contact date. "...diona players could show their age wit that, instead of just 'Lol I floated in space for a long time and then came here'" Diona enter the fray with Skrell during a time which, in my opinion, is one of their more interesting moments. The reunification of the systems, interplanetary travel, and technological renaissance are either recent memories or ongoing events of the century before Skrell met Humanity. Then there's everything we have in the 2400's. I feel like you'll run into the "I floated through space" angle for most Dionae at some point in their life, but there's not exactly a shortage of things to talk about in the more modern eras. If you or any player feels strongly about having a character who, as you said, witnessed "the fall of all society", then there's always the Skrell whitelist. I do appreciate the sympathy aspect for a character idea though. But maybe I just like the idea of people getting along and talking. Big de-canonizations by new lore devs have a tendency to ruffle feathers. Everybody seems to want to make their mark, but I try to avoid marking over old works completely. I've been trying to build off of the base previous devs gave me. I won't say I'm doing perfectly, but I'm having a fun go of it. I am very happy to see that you care about Diona, and I'm also glad that you were willing to talk to me about the proposed change to the contact-date rather than just pushing for it with teeth bared. Thanks for the good banter. I think you might be a good choice, but be careful not to strike too much from the old record while writing new content.

Hey there. Loow here. Let's test the waters. You talk the talk, Pilgrim, but can you walk the walk? I've heard tales of many things and stuff within my lifetime, some of which seem completely irrelevant at the time but prove to be interesting or indicative of things to come. On that note, let's talk about completely irrelevant things, my main man. How many campaigns have you run from start to finish, my man? This is more out of curiosity, and I understand that sometimes "one game" will go on for years while other games will barely get off the ground before the group/game/campaign falls apart. This really makes me think. Up until now, there's been quite a bit of mystery behind the glorious Diona as well as the Dionae and Dionaea. It might be "neat" to have some blanks filled in, and if that's what you're into, that's what you ought to do. Let's check on something. How do you feel about friendship? How do you feel about Skrell? How do you feel about Diona and Skrell? If you get the position you're applying for, you and I would have to be able to work together on some level as well as engage in banter. Skrell and Diona have quite a bit of history, and I'm assuming you sorta have opinions on it. It'd be rad to hear 'em. Oh hey! You mentioned that topic! This part confuses me a little bit. To quote the Diona page: https://wiki.aurorastation.org/index.php?title=Dionaea#Discovery.2C_Part_One_-_The_Conglomerate The first discovery - the one that proved their existence, in 2320 - was an immense pod-like gestalt." and one of the Skrell pages: https://wiki.aurorastation.org/index.php?title=Skrell_(Factions_%26_Politics)#Dionaea: "In the year 2331, researchers began giving small clusters of these “Dionae” freedom to move about several population centers while under close observation." Give those pages a read if you haven't already! Changing the first date to 2369 would actually be moving the discovery date closer to the present. Instead of far earlier, that would be later. I think there's a typo in that section. Either that, or I could be misunderstanding something. Either way, the relationship between Skrell and Diona is pretty important to me and any possible future work we might do together. I'd like to get an idea of where you and I stand on that front. That could be cool! I'd definitely like to hear your ideas on things like that. I know Hurtz really added some cool stuff like the "Diona Colossus" you mentioned, and I'd like to hear your take on that. I feel like these details would involve filling in a few blanks in history, so I'd super like to banter on that when and if the time comes. I really like this description as you've given it! It makes me hopeful, but I'd still like to clear up a few things. Your stances on Diona history so far and any opinions you can throw at me about their interactions with Skrell would really help me get a feel for what kind of work you want to do. While I'm at it, what kind of work/progress/content do you see yourself working on/approving/getting involved with with SkrellxDiona? Hurtz and I used to have cool chats and come up with ideas, and when/if you hop into lorechat, I'd love to talk to you about them. Of course, I'd also like to discuss any further interactions between SkrellxDiona with you when the time comes. Actually, you may have hit the nail on the head with a few of your comments on future Skrell-Dionae revelations. Really makes me think, haha. It seems like we could do worse than having you on as Plant-Man, my dude.

Hey there. Loow here. I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd leave some feedback. I'm here to be real, give some possibly useful feedback on your app, and hopefully leave a few tips to help this application and/or any future apps you make down the line. First thing's first. Player feedback and discussion on your app go a LONG WAY toward making it more viable. You've responded to every comment so far, so that's a really good start! BUT What really helps is when people who've interacted with your character on the station share their thoughts on your previous roleplay and app. Remember, you can advertise your application once per round on the server's OOC chat! This at least helps generate traffic and might lead people to respond to the app. Worded simply: Keep the conversation going and remember to post a link to your app in OOC! Feedback (be it good, bad, or just constructive) goes a long way. Then there's people like me who tend to leave their thoughts on your app and character design. This is, in my opinion, just as important as comments about previous rp and characters on the station. This is your first go, and it looks like you might not be getting much feedback on your app or roleplay. To say this bluntly... Don't be discouraged if this application doesn't get approved! Learn what you can, spend time on the station, and continue enjoying the game. You can always apply again later. There's no hard-rule about time limits between apps, but I'd suggest giving at least a few weeks to a month. Again, this is advice in case this or any other app of yours is denied. I'll offer a few words and reference the lore for help. https://wiki.aurorastation.org/index.php?title=Tajara Stuff to think about and my own comments: "Growing up in such close proximity to humans has made her more open minded than standard Tajaran, yet her hard-headed tendencies that heir from the Tajaran culture get her in trouble more times than not." I don't really think of being a Tajara as something that causes someone to be inherently troublesome. It seems like she may have been a wild child herself. Especially if she's getting into trouble "more times than not." "Her deciding to continue her education off of Ahdomai put stresses on her family, and put pressure on the relationship between her and her parents." Your app mentions that her location put stress on her relationships. Why? How? It might be interesting to hear more about this character's thoughts feelings (and character), and this might be an angle that gives us some insight. "She ended up finding a job planet-side, but after completing the excavation project she was working on, Nanotrasen presented Wamahrir with the choice of staying on Ahdomai, or moving station-side with the excavation team. Wamahrir chose to go with the excavation team, putting further strain on her relationship with her parents." Why wouldn't the excavation team be in a camp or something? "While working for Nanotrasen, she gained various bits of other R&D training, and eventually, after multiple years of hard work, she was awarded the position of Research Director." Your app mentions that she lost the position of RD in her transfer, but I don't know. The whole "I'm a department head, it's in my backstory" angle just doesn't feel right to me. Could just be me. "...Wamahrir got her doctorate degree in anomalistic studies, and returned to Ahdomai for a short time, where finding work was difficult, as Ahdomai did not have a large push for any form of archaeology..." You say she worked in archaeology multiple times, but her degree involves studying anomalies. That degree doesn't quite fit the job. "She attempted to keep it a secret from her parents, but eventually they found out and promptly disowned her." This part actually makes sense to me. It's established that (many) Tajara don't even like marriages between different races, let alone species. To quote the Tajara main page: "Because of the Tajara's history as a repressive, conservative species, they have not grown too open-minded or liberal - unlike humanity's progressive views for example. Overt displays of affection and especially homosexuality among Tajara are looked down on and treated as a deviancy. There exists discrimination and bias against other races of Tajara - particularly against Zhan-Khazan for their purported low intelligence and rebellious tendencies. As a result, Tajara generally avoid interbreeding between races. An extension of the racism which prevents Tajara from breeding outside of their race can be found in the general public's extreme revulsion to notions of relationships outside of the species, an act which is considered an intolerable fetish to most." Being in a relationship with an Unathi would be, to the perspective of her parents, disgusting and downright disturbing. It's not surprising to hear that she'd be disowned. In fact, it's more surprising that she entered such a relationship at all, let alone quickly. I can understand wanting to bring a character from an old server to a new one, but it oftentimes doesn't work out that well. I hope you continue to have a good time on the station, but I'm just not feeling this character design. It either ignores or goes against most aspects of the Tajara narrative. That's not a crime, but it's just not something that appeals to me.

Hey there. Loow here. I'm happy to see that people like this application. Looks like you've gotten some useful feedback on your character concept, and you've even responded in a way that gives me a better idea of where you're going with this character. I gave you a little bit of feedback a while ago, but I won't waste your time by repeating it all here. You seem to have a solid character in mind that you care about and enjoy working on. I look forward to seeing what you do with it and where he goes as a character. Hopefully Wrelshi sticks around with us for a while. Walk well among the stars, dear Hrgul'Qeblak. Application Accepted.

The "Traverse" actually sounds pretty cool, if not somewhat reminiscent of Mass Effect's Attican Traverse (which I'm surprised I still remember). We already have a thread going. How do people feel about the idea of Skrell having some name for the systems which are actively being built up? ie: a collective name for the Federation's red-tape heavy, oftentimes tax-exempt, budding colonies?

Hey there. Loow here. "Physically Skrell have an average height ranging from 4’5” to 5’1” for males, and 4’5” to 5’5” for females." That's a quote from the wiki that I think should help quite a bit. Shout at me if there are any further questions. To preemptively answer a few possible questions, these are average or typical heights. In theory, someone could win the genetic lottery one way or the other and be a 5'3 Skrell male, 4'3 Skrell male, 4'3 Skrell female, or even a 5'7 Skrell female. Keep in mind that being tall is pretty effeminate for Skrell, as Skrell females tend to be a few inches taller than males. Being much shorter than 4' or taller than 5'7 will make me, as Cake put it, "a disappointed boy" and will likely result in frowning.

Hello again. This topic is the start of what I hope will be an enlightening dialogue. The frontier is something that I hold very dear to my heart, and I'm sure you must have noticed my efforts to give parts of the picture. I hope this can be a place where necessary questions can be asked and answered. That said, I recently responded to another Sharp lore app in which I explained my thoughts on one or two things which might be relevant here. I'm confident that Abosh will read my responses to both apps, but I hope that he'll look at the other one first. It may provide some helpful context. I absolutely love that there's an interest in the Skrell systems other than Nralakk. Interestingly enough, I don't receive a lot of request for things like that. It's mostly questions about robots and other dead horses. Much like in the other topic, Sharp, you hit with some things and miss with others: I love your interest in a frontier, but I sigh at the execution. You've fallen into the "Synthetics" pitfall again! Don't get me wrong, you can talk about them. But. This may be a tad more focused on Synthetics than the title had me hope. If you had questions about the Skrell Frontier, I'd be over the moon. As it stands, you have suggestions. I have to critique suggestions. First of all, I love the fact that someone's taking an interest in systems other than Nralakk. Really, I do. I love that someone saw the stirrings of the indie arc and felt something. Feelings are usually good. It's become evident that certain things need to be clarified, and I hope that I can do my best to address them. Let's share a word or two about the Fed borders. They're stringent. They're rough. They're patrolled. People need things like paperwork, permission, and professional leave to well... leave. To settle some place new outside of Federation borders, one needs things like approval, oversight, and vetting. But I guess that doesn't really matter for the example you've brought up. You mean to say that a place could have been settled, then separated after a certain event took place. That makes sense. In fact, it was the way things happened. Being cut off sort of requires one to act on their own. However, there was a certain time period in which putting all the lost pieces together was the way the Fed operated. An Era of Reunification, if you will. Such an era would have ended with the Tresja agreement, which I'm sure is mentioned in the news, in which the majority of straggling systems rejoined the Federation. You could even go as far as to say that it never ended due to the fact that not all systems rejoined. But I digress. I hope the ongoing arcs can answer some of your questions about Skrell systems and maybe satisfy that itch you have for the "largely unspoken of" frontier. I hope your "personal reasons" for only sharing the ToQ aren't based around a sincere hope that this one ought to be accepted. Again, I love the fact that you're bringing the "frontier" (Places other than the home system) up. Systems are important. But. It seems that you're going the route of utterly independent systems rather than frontier systems. Let's start talking about the "Technocracy" now. You're a shattered colony which has been suddenly cut off from the outside galaxy. You've been under the heel of a certain type of being. Suddenly, you're no longer under said heel. You proceed to double back to said sort of being quickly, name your government after the guy who suggested it, then make sure to include the phrase "Technocracy" in the nation's title so that nobody forgets. I'd have gone with a few other, admittedly also poor, options. Imagine visiting the "Meritocracy of Germany" or some such. Technocracy is just an interesting choice in government description. Republic is a popular alternative, and it gives the impression that there's some level of voting or democracy at some level. Technocracy doesn't really hint us toward how the place is run. Just where it leans on a few issues. It's an interesting idea, but it's not something that would be on the "Skrell Frontier." I'm sure I've said this before, but I hope this can be a good place for discussion, should you want it. I'm often slow with responses, but I respect your willingness to speak up and ask questions as well as stick your neck out by offering ideas. Let's talk.

Interesting. The basic idea is to add a martial art that fills the niche of a few real-life exercise regimens/martial arts. You outright mention Yoga and this whole section has a very "namaste" feel to it. The name and parts of the base concept even remind me of things like Krav Maga. Very different from one another, those two things. Let's chat a bit. Firstly, I'm absolutely in love with the phrase "Abomination regime" and I'd love to see it used in other contexts. Next, what's the appeal here? Not to the martial art, but attaching it to the Era of Synthetic Oppression. There's a Nebulous ideal out there that every little detail of lore has to tie back in to synthetics. While it might be hard to avoid them entirely, the very least one can do is try to include some degree of separation when one tries to make something new and refreshing. Why have it start around the time of the Third Incident? Why early on in said event? Does tying this martial art to "that one Skrell event" give it more legitimacy? If so, then in whose eyes? It seems like you had a concept that was fairly simple. Put several real-life martial arts together and call it something else. By going down this other path, you've just opened yourself up to more strenuous cross-examination. I've seen this martial art mentioned on the station once or twice, and I've seen a few Skrell players fixate on the Third Incident as well. I assumed these were separate cases, but it seems they were one and the same. It's a shame, really, that there's only one asset of Skrell lore that at least some players have any interest in. This is, in a very large part, my own fault for not offering stimulating alternatives for discussion. I'd like to also contend that we as players should try to challenge ourselves. If it seems challenging to have three Skrell in a room and talk about something other than Synthetics, then I'd dare to take that as a sign that I should do just that. I do still understand that sometimes these things need discussing, much like if a character on the station looked out the window to see if it was raining. But this is just a rant. Parts of your writing are quite good, but I recently heard that it's the flaws in a concept that fester and grow over time. On that note, forgive me if my initial response seems negative at parts. Why does a time period in which the primary antagonist is synthetic serve as the starting point to a martial art based around causing pain in organic life? It seems silly that such a thing would happen, but then again I find humor in a lot of things. It could make more sense that such an art could come to be in any other time period as anything from an ancient art form to a more modern sport. One could even say it would make "a lot" more sense. "Hold on, Loow! The troubled youths of Gli'morr needed a means of venting their frustrations without hurting one another! This idea makes perfect sense for this time period." - Wool You have a point, but that same logic applies to just about every time period. I think the decision to lean on the 3-I as a starting point is somewhat disappointing. A bit of a cop-out considering there's quite a huge amount of time in which this martial art could have started. Again, parts of your writing are fine, but there's too much emphasis or thought put into some details and not enough on others. Any writer needs positive feedback, which is often blind to issues. Writers also need negative feedback which may see enormous problems with minor details. This section could fit into a lot of time periods and also hits a few good themes. Bonds between others. A concern for the well being of others. Sport as a pastime or art form. I love F.A.F. as an acronym and would love to faff about by discussing it further, but I really should continue. I do like the idea of "gentle take-downs" as a strategy used by certain servicemen of the Federation (primarily police forces), but I'm not in love with the idea that the concept very well may be just a cross between Krav Maga, yoga, and judo. I guess that comparison may just be unavoidable. I like how you mention your own use of the martial art in-game. There is some merit to this idea, and I think it was very brave of you to put it forward into a lore app. I'm not exactly a sweetheart, and you've mentioned your fondness for writing one too many times for me to give you anything less than a mostly unrestrained response. I hope I got the right points across, and I look forward to pursuing further discussion with you in this topic. For now, I have to post feedback on another lore app of yours.

http://i.imgur.com/9D0IQsB.png Traverses on Pluat: ”It is Time to Reunite” Editors note: Translated to Basic. After an especially lengthy closed meeting of the Grand Council, multiple governmental officials have begun spreading the same message: The Federation must be reunified. With the recent re-annexation of Pluat, Grand Councillor Weashbi Jrugl has made clear that he intends to pursue the unification of all previously populous Skrell systems under the Nralakk Federation. When approached for comment, Representative Traverses Through The Dank Ruins Of Fallen Cities In Solemn Memory Of The Bygone Days Of A People Whom Have Learned Much Through The Pain Of Loss offered his insight. “All systems within the borders of the original Federation are and have always been the promised homes of Skrell. They were colonized and built to strength under the guidance of the former Grand Council. It is because of this strength of will that they have experienced tremendous difficulty in accepting that the Federation has been rebuilt. Previous administrations saw fit to give them time to consider their place in the galaxy. Jrugl believes they have been made to wait long enough. Each independent system is home to young Skrell who did not choose to be shut off from the stars. They should not be denied their right to experience what this galaxy has to offer them. It is time to reunite.” With rumors of annexation now confirmed, sentient beings across known space are waiting to see which of the independent systems will be next to join Pluat at their rightful place in the Nralakk Federation.

Hey there. Loow here. I have a word or two of feedback. Your character's backstory is interesting. It's very broad and very sparse. Quick reminder. There are "normal people" among Skrell. By this I mean that it is impossible for every member of a species to be "the best" at something. There is nothing inherently "wrong" with being "average" in one's society. Perhaps the bio might have read better if it focused more on how the character felt about their position in addition to the accounts of what exactly their position is. What do I mean? Talking about your character's feelings and opinions more might have "padded out" the bio and given some much needed insight into the character's... character. The bio does mention that this Skrell works "as if their life depended on it" despite earlier mentions of their shortcomings in "work-ethic." Did they undergo some sort of change? Are they both lazy and hard working? Is there a person beneath this story? It could have been a very different read if more time was spent expanding on that "spark" mentioned in the character's bio and less time on how others felt "pity" for the normal person. You play a few synthetics that are around pretty regularly. I really was expecting to read more in-depth feedback about your play on the station. I was expecting a lot more feedback to come in, but it looks like things didn't pan out that way. I'm happy to see that this application did get some feedback, but I am sorry to see that little of it had to do with server-side experiences. You have people that like your concept and have faith in your abilities. This is good. It would have been very nice to see them explain what exactly they like about your previous characters and RP. Write something to sway people who are on the fence in your application. As this application stands, it's not very compelling. The concept has the potential to be used to craft an interesting character, but the app itself makes the concept seem lackluster. You don't seem very inspired. I know applying can feel like a chore, and that's precisely why I feel this app shouldn't pass. An application should be something that a player at least partially enjoys working on. Building a character can feel rewarding, and applying with them is your chance to show off. I like seeing when people like what they've made. I like seeing passion. I don't want you getting a whitelist for a character and application that you don't enjoy or care much about. It feels like you typed what you had to type to get an app out there. I don't see any passion in this beyond the spark of "janitor Skrell." There are many things you could have talked about or thought about and shared with us in this app. It must have been a stylistic choice, but you've not specified the character's gender. In short, you could have done more. More would not have harmed your app. It may have even helped it. Whatever an applicant puts on their app is basically all I have to work off of. If you don't care about the character, then you're not going to have a good time with the whitelist. How do I get the idea that someone cares about their character? I read what's on their app. Very little on this app gives me the impression that you'd like Skrell. It seems like writing this application was a chore. Application Denied.

http://i.imgur.com/9D0IQsB.png Wharf Waves to Play Zeshblook Editors note: Translated to Basic. Extranet sites and news outlets alike are raving in support for the latest news from Zeshblook Opera Hall. To the surprise of many, the venue has announced that they will be hosting a concert for the band, “Wharf Waves” in the coming weeks. The band consists of four youths from the frontier planet of Foreau and has been experiencing a recent surge in popularity due to their stellar performance at the planet’s Yearly Founding Ceremonies. Several Fedearation officials were present for these ceremonies, including Representative Quax'lin Rolfpt-Lriosh, who eagerly offered her congratulations to the group with a public statement. “I am pleased to see art from such a small system being recognized on a stellar scale. Talent is without border.” Direct correspondence from the Hall has confirmed that the venue is reserving several hundred tickets to the band’s Federation debut. Zeshblook spokesperson Quriil Qrr’zip explained that this decision was made solely for the comfort of the band members. “These talented youths are accustomed to performing for crowds of intoxicated or otherwise impaired humans from their region as well as Skrell tourists. By ensuring there will be a large number of Humans close to the stage, we allow Wharf Waves to be within their element. This is just one of several precautions we have taken to secure the concert’s success. Also there will be a bar. Three drink minimum.” Wharf Waves agreed to interview with several Federation anchors shortly after the announcement was made. A transcript of the first portion of their interview with Anchor Rilaat Quinl can be read HERE. Once again, Zeshblook Opera Hall proves that it is willing to take risks in the name of art and musical awareness. Despite its infancy, Wharf Waves will be trusted to perform in one of the most premier musical settings in Federation space. Modifications to the venue's stage are already underway. Tickets can be bought or won by raffle.

Hello there! Loow here. I want to start off by saying that I really enjoyed reading your application, and I've spotted a few users reading it as well. There is a lot to be said. I hope that by opening a little bit of discussion, I can inspire a few shy readers to chime in while still having an interesting chat with you. First of all, I want to say that I'm very happy to see that you feel a connection with the species, and I'm ecstatic that it inspired you to craft your own Skrell character in the setting. To me at least, it feels you really had a good time during the creative process of writing this character. In many ways, Chlo's story is a sad one. One detail that strikes me as particularly regrettable is the passing of her father. The way you've written him, I got the impression that he was a hopeful sort of person that suffered because of his own optimism. All in all, a pretty interesting character. Still, I'm a little curious about how he actually died. The way I read this, it seems the conclusion to reach is that he was killed for his views while away from home. I'm sort of iffy about that idea. First, I'd like to know "Is that the case? Was he killed because of his beliefs, or did something else happen?" For the moment, I'm going to type up some more while assuming that it is the case. Rumors are unpleasant, nasty things that can really damage one's reputation. Concerns about one's beliefs can definitely lead others to view them in a different life. Crime does, despite some of the semi-utopic themes of the Federation's image, does exist among Skrell. So it's not impossible that he could have been killed due to a misunderstanding about his optimistic attitude. It is however very strange. We can continue to discuss this back-and-forth if you'd like. I like to ask questions and prod to get a better idea of what kind of characters people apply with. It's a fun time. Next, I'd like to talk about Chlo's name-change. To get the ball rolling, was her change in name secret or a matter of public record? It seems like Chlo's mother had her name changed as a means of protecting her daughter(which, I'll admit, could be an understandably extreme reaction if she believed her spouse had been murdered). It's a much harder sell if they tried to simply move and take up completely false identities. Minor changes to one's name are quite common in Skrell society, and it's plausible that she could have her name changed completely as you have here. It might not, however, be a very effective means of "hiding" from their previous reputation. There would be a sort of "paper trail" connecting their former names to their current names. It's not really a very secretive process. BUT This does not mean that moving wouldn't be enough for their family to feel safe. The mother and daughter would be away from the people who judged them previously, and they would be able to assimilate into a new community. They could have new names or old names, but seeking a new home would be about as successful either way. One's life doesn't revolve completely around the concept of the synthetic. A Skrell hoping to get along may be able to fit in with new people just by being a good neighbor, student, coworker, or friend. Her family has been through rough times and is dealing with the loss of Chlo's father. There are Skrell who would be able to sympathize with the loss of a family member. I may have gone on a little too long with that tirade, but I just want it to be clear that young Ieci would seem like a victim, not a traitor. Even if her father were treacherous, many would separate the mistakes of her father from the potential of his daughter. Oh and it also says "in honor of her father" in there. Is the new name related to her father's name? That's one detail I might have missed. Next, let's talk about the University. First, it's something of a small miracle for someone to make it into or through Gliutip’lyaz. As I recall, you're the first one to apply with it as part of a character's backstory. For a lot of reasons, the University is essentially a crucible for forming snowflakes. Actually, I've played with the idea of writing/posting a few stories about students in the university. But that's an unhealthy obsession for another time. Anyway, attending Gliutip’lyaz is a pretty big deal. Since you're the first one with the boldness to take it on, I'm super interested in telling you about it. If/Since Chlo graduated she'd be expected to go on to do something spectacular at some point. She may be "just" a "normal" scientist now, but quite a few people would be confident that she'll be making huge contributions to her field by the time she's done working. The place sort of demands that students pull together to better themselves, and it's likely that Chlo (provided you want to keep the university as part of her backstory) would have quite a few lifelong contacts from her days at Gliutip’lyaz University. Also, to revisit her name-change, any secrecy surrounding who her family is/was would be out the window if she applied to enroll in The Grand University. Again, that's assuming she didn't just file paperwork for a name-change. I figure you know, but secret identity plus high profile school would equal no secret at all. If she's applying for schooling, she's gotta use whatever her legal name is at the time. If she never changed it, she'd be Ieci. If she did, Chlo. Either way, one can't really "pull a fast one" on a star studded 23-year-University. I appreciate your positive attitude as well as the thought you've put into writing your character. There is a lot more to say about this application, but I would absolutely love to see what other people have to say about it. Don't forget that you can post a link to this application in the server's OOC chat one per round in order to generate some more traffic. The way I process applications, there has to be some feedback from players about your application, your character concept, and your rp on the server in order for me to accept an application. I too enjoy feedback, so I hope some of what I've provided is helpful or at least entertaining for you. I look forward to seeing more discussion on this application.

This app has no feedback, and I've received word from the player that they have been unable to secure feedback. I would prefer to have had some thoughts and opinions from players regarding your play, characters, and the app itself, but no such feedback has been given. Without any word or discussion from players, I can't accept this application. You are free to reapply in the future. Application Denied.

Loow here. I'm happy to see we got a little more feedback on this application. This application has sat quite long enough, so let's get it properly processed. I appreciate how you've handled feedback as well as how you've approached making this character. You seem to have a strong concept in mind for how you want to bring this character to life, and your writing shows a genuine interest in your character concept. You've made yourself quite the road map here, and I'm interested to see how you would do while taking Orbul out for a spin. I left a lengthy feedback post earlier in this application, and you've gotten even more relevant feedback since then. You've shown a level of interest in your design, the species, and rp overall that compliments the positive notes people have left for you quite well. It's only logical that you should be given the chance to bring Dr. Orbul Qablri'Tri-Qyu's meticulous, if not somewhat obsessive, persona to life on the station as he searches for his elusive artifact. Happy hunting, Dr. Qablri'Tri-Qyu. Application Accepted.

Loow here. Dropping off some feedback. The dated section of the biography is largely a copy-paste of the body of text before it. That's not necessarily a bad thing. The large section definitely needed to be broken up, and marking each section with his age made it much easier to read. The dated section does have a few differing details. The first one I noticed was a piece of conflicting information. You may want to double check one of those figures. This detail is just wonderful, and I appreciate its presence. I was going to ask when exactly he took the addition, but I see it's right here in the dated portion of his backstory. It makes sense that he would have taken that addition while still obsessed, and I'll leave it up to you to decide what this addition means to him now. Out of curiosity, was this his own brother (the other egg) or an adopted brother? You mention that Dr. Qablri'Tri-Qyu's life was essentially taken over by his obsession with the former Tri-Qyu star system. The way you spin it, this seems to have largely been a waste of time for the poor Skrell. What's more, it seems to have made him a mockery among his colleagues and friends. Why? What caught his attention? What was he looking for? Why did his colleagues exclude him? I hope that you don't mind that I latched on to that little detail. It seems to be one that much of your character revolves around, so I figured I'd like to hear as much as I can about it from the writer's perspective. Please go into more detail about Orbul as a person. I'd eat that information up. I'm glad I waited to see more information on this artifact. I appreciate your logic behind the significance of the artifact. You seem to be considering how your character affects other characters. That's good. To answer your question, yes. You've done fine on the surname front. I appreciate that you respond to feedback and I'm looking forward to seeing more discussion on this application. I'm a little worried, because it seems I'm the first one to notice that the character's birth year is different between sections of the application. I'd like to remind anyone reading that the best thing you can do to help an app is to foster discussion. Offering support helps, but it's much stronger if your endorsements offer more substance than just approval. There is more to be said about this application and I look forward to seeing more discussion from the applicant and anyone who cares to comment on the app.

http://i.imgur.com/9D0IQsB.png Councillors Decline Museum of Solidarity Editors note: Translated to Basic. Media outlets across the Nralakk Federation have been set abuzz by statements given by the newest additions to the Grand Council. For the past week, discussions have been underway regarding several topics which many Skrell feel passionate about, but two Councillors from the recently annexed system of Pluat demand special attention. Deliberation tensed after several Councillors presented their plans for the establishment of a memorial museum. This museum would feature relics from the Era of Synthetic Oppression and tell stories of survivors from across the various worlds of the Federation. After a reading of the proposed legislation, each Councillor was invited to share their thoughts on the matter, resulting in a series of impromptu speeches. During this time, Councillor Wirat’Pluat voiced her displeasure. “I disagree with the plans which have been drafted and presented this day. Many of the relics which are named by this document are privately owned or already a part of existing memorials in the system of Pluat. My mother’s father’s mother was an engineer before the Era of Synthetic Oppression. She chose to use her abilities to assist members of the rebellion. She and many others died so that their children’s children might one day know freedom. I respect the attachment many must feel for the relics their family has passed down, and I resent the prospect of citizens losing such heirlooms at the order of a Federation which has only recently chosen to recognize them.” This was quickly followed by charged words from Councillor Nrilt-Jrugl. “I understand that this time period means many things to many people, and I appreciate the effort which has been put forth by the members of this Grand Council. The construction of a Museum of Solidarity is a commendable initiative to be taken by future generations.” After a short recess, the Grand Council continued previous discussions on reclamation efforts and population growth. The Nralakk Diplomatic Corps has yet to comment on the actions of any Councillors during this session. Migration into and out of Pluat has been open for nearly a month, and dozens of Pluat natives have been approved for travel outside of Federation space. The Nralakk Federation has been working to better assimilate Skrell from the system of Pluat, but our Grand Council has reminded us that there is still healing to be done.

You know why I'm here. First paragraph. "This race is a race..." While not horrid, repeating the same word a few times in a short space can one's work seem less sharp. The sentence as a whole would flow much "better" with a shift away from this repetition. Repeating one's self usually does not sound as good as when one is not repeating one's self. Krogan. Overall, your answer to the first question is fine. It's certainly not the worst I've seen. Let's take a second and consider something simple. You're answering a question. You've done swell, but you could stand to spend more time giving an answer rather than listing facts or little details about the race. How do you feel about those things you've listed? You find them interesting? What makes them interesting to you? I believe this paragraph has mentioned that you're not so sure that you can explain how you feel in a few paragraphs. Try it. Might be fun. I know JB would appreciate hearing what you like. Let the record show that this doesn't mean pass out compliments like candy. If you have any critical commentary, I'm sure JB would love to read it. You know the species' overseer is going to read your app. This is your chance to give him something to think about, if you have anything to say. Explain the idea you are trying to get across here. If you mean, "they don't see themselves as the race from Mass Effect" then I'm inclined to agree. I have a good idea of what you're trying to say, but that doesn't mean everyone else will. Also check your utilization of the phrase "loss of life." Consider spelling and repetition. Let's briefly talk about this backstory. It's very short, but not terrible. If you feel compelled to write more content, I would love to see more. It can't hurt. Forgive me for not going into greater detail, but I'd love to see more people talk about their thoughts on the character's life. You wrote a story. I bet you'd like to hear what people think about it. You took the time to write this application before posting. Likewise, I took the time to read it before responding. Anyone who didn't is doing you a disservice. I've seen you on the station. Your characters are fine. Your Skrell in particular left an impression, but I haven't seen enough of your RP to know if you have a healthy diversity between your characters. You have bones for a character here. Flesh it out.