[Accepted] Stev's Unathi Application

[stev]

BYOND Key: Memescope McGee

Character Names: Lichfield Agathus, Amachye Uchechie, A.I.D.E. #04743, Ini Ugonma

Species you are applying to play: Unathi

What color do you plan on making your first alien character: Greying black

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Yes.

 

Why do you wish to play this specific race:

Their honour-bound society and heavily traditionalist views seem intriguing to play, especially with their political history with the galaxy at large; the history of the Contact War, the Aut’akh and the pirate takeover of Dominia are of particular interest to me. The heavily sexist Unathi society is also rather interesting to me, especially the slightly conflicted inclusion of souls born into the wrong bodies—I intend to play one of these people as my first character.

 

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human:

The Unathi’s strict honour system combined with their predilection towards aggression and stubbornness seem to make for a unique roleplaying experience on this server, along with the societal aspects mentioned above. Additionally, the (as of now) unique mostly mechanical Aut’akh and their conflict with traditional Unathi culture and its beliefs about prosthetics should provide very interesting RP opportunities.

 

Character Name: Sakszha Kazkhz, Head of Security

Sakszha, born in 2390 as Shuzko Sassoak, had the misfortune of being a warrior’s soul born into a frail woman’s body. Throughout her early life she chafed at her clan’s expectations, forced to cook and clean and other such honourless task, denied the warrior’s life that was rightfully hers. Being crass, violent and unladylike, her clan struggled to find her a husband for many years, eventually finding a man so weak-willed as to agree to the marriage for a pittance. She proved a poor wife indeed, angry and distracted from all her womanly duties.

 

The aliens came when she was already well into her forties, bringing with them the grand opportunity to escape her loathsome life to the stars. Intimidating her husband into arranging passage on a ship, the two had the misfortune of being picked up by a band of raiders. While her husband quickly perished, she impressed the aliens and her own kind both with her incredible knack for violence, despite her gentle sex, and finally acknowledged her as, if not one with a man’s body, then at least a true warrior’s soul, and took up the name of Sakszha. Rising up the ranks of S’kraskin Seryo’s raiders, they participated in the Lightning War for Moroz and earned their place as a House Noble under their new clan, Kazkhz.

 

Following the fateful events of the Lightning War, they spent their years as an officer of the Kazkhz privateer fleet largely at ease with their lot in life, kept alive in their elder years past expectations of their species with the genetic magics of the Empire. As the years have passed, however, they have been growing increasingly uneasy about their place in the world and within the Empire’s ever-expanding Human bureaucracy. Increasingly frustrated with the Human-dominated Empire they fought to build, they have decided to strike out on their own (with a few serving Ma’Zals, of course) to Tau Ceti for its new, liberal experiences, travelling home now and then to stave off the impacts of age.

What do you like about this character?

The whole ‘born in the wrong body’, kind-of-trans-kind-of-not thing is super interesting to me along with exploring Unathi gender roles in an unusual way with someone who doesn’t really conform to either. I also just have a soft spots for ex-pirates, especially given this one was literally given a noble title for it.

How would you rate your role-playing ability?

Pretty high up there, I guess? I mean, I don’t want to be an asshole or anything but it’s hard to answer this one without sounding like one, so…

 

Notes:

I got to this aesthetic after a bit of messing around with character creation on a local copy:

Edited July 2, 2019 by Senpai Jackboot

[geeves]

I offered to help Stev create this whitelist, and they accepted the offer. They approached me in DMs and laid out their plans, I merely gave pointers and minor ideas. They came up with the raiders, the ex-pirate and the gender struggle on their own, and they themselves surprised me with knowledge of Unathi even I didn't have. Super impressed by this application + applicant. Big +1 from me. I really, really like how they're approaching this.

[BoryaTheSlayer]

Unfortunately, me and Stev don't interact that much IC-- but I can still say that I like them and their characters from observing them.
Although, most of my judgement here is based on the app itself-- as Geeves said, it's a really nice backstory and idea, and would really like to see this character in-game. and if my app goes through maybe we'll actually meet ic huh
So yeah, +1 from me.

[KingOfThePing]

And how exactly did they end up employed on the Aurora as a Head of Security with a pirate background? The story reads well but kind of cuts off in the end. 

[stev]

5 minutes ago, KingOfThePing said:

And how exactly did they end up employed on the Aurora as a Head of Security with a pirate background? The story reads well but kind of cuts off in the end. 

They would be quite well qualified for the position given their previous experience in government-sanctioned privateering operations, with a (largely ceremonial) degree from the Dominian Imperial Military Academy.

[TheSleepyCatmom]

Honestly, I can't really support an application that doesn't actually show me you understand standard Moghes culture. To my knowledge that's how these applications are processed, and making one from a completely different line of life, like a completely different faction of the world where Unathi are a part of it but it's a human-centered place, doesn't really show me the main purpose of a Unathi Whitelist, in my opinion. I'm personally going to -1 this due to that. I agree Stev is a good roleplayer, I just don't agree with the type of character they're applying with.

[Butterrobber202]

I agree that stev is a good roleplayer, but the nature of the app doesn't reflect much more than warrior woman and being trapped in a female body. It doesn't really dig into Unathi lore as much as scratch it. -1

[Pegasus]

I disagree with those saying that you can't apply with an Unathi who isn't from the Hegemony. Moghean culture feeds into Dominian culture, especially for Unathi. The character as outlined takes from both, being born on Moghes and living in the Empire. The dynamic of an Unathi now living in the Empire is different from the typical application for the species, that's true - but it's no less valid. Having spoken to the applicant several times in the past and seen their roleplay ingame, I have no doubt they're worthy of being accepted and capable of following the lore for the species and cultures. +1 

[TheSleepyCatmom]

My primary issue with it is it shows an understanding of one, very specific subject of Unathi lore, then... nothing else. It delves into Dominian lore, which is interesting, sure, but it isn't what I believe would be needed on an application about Unathi. It shows an understanding of Dominia, not an understanding of Moghes, the clans, and the work put into it by Jackboot for the species as a whole. If I were to make a Skrell application as a serious application, and state they were in Jargon of X place and then moved to Dominia, I would not be showcasing my knowledge of Skrell lore, and more of that of Dominia's lore.

 

But that's my take on it and why I'm giving a -1. So take it as you will; I should probably have clarified this earlier. So yes I see it as less valid, as these forty years of a character's life could have been used to expand upon the lore of Unathi in general, however, it did not. It was a single paragraph dedicated to the species itself, and the rest of a faction. It makes little sense to me.

[Scheveningen]

+1. Stev's fantastic at role-playing interesting characters, even if the concept seems a little out there, he expands on 'different' and makes it practical and believable, but most of all his characters are, in general, fun and interesting to interact with. I like this character concept and it's not something I haven't seen before, considering a similar character existed before. It's still interesting either way, coupled with stev's stellar roleplaying ability I can certainly say I trust this character concept to do well.

Slight tangent, though, the other posters in this thread would do better than to speak for the Unathi lore maintainer, especially considering he's capable of doing that by himself when he comes around to review this.

[Kaed]

Edit: Apparently 'snowflake' is a lgbt slur, something I was not aware of until it I was informed by someone it has been taken as context for transphobia rather than 'making a character different from the norm with no depth', which was the intended usage.  Apologies if anyone was offended by it.

This is not a character, it is an archetype masquerading as a person.  They are a subversion of expectations, a statement trans/womens rights ideals that lacks any grounding or depth.  Like other people have already said, you display very little signs of comprehension about the lore, the only thing you appear to have absorbed is that there are gender roles stratified in unathi society.  Perhaps you found the idea offensive, and that is why you made this character but subversion alone is not enough for a realistic character.

I don't know you, so I'm coming into this without a pre-bias that 'this is a good roleplayer' that I see most of the other approving votes making.  And this application doesn't make snuff, I'm afraid.  Your character's backstory is three paragraphs long, and the only thing it describes is the suffering of this flat, one-note character. I see no understanding of life on moghes, nor do I see anything that resembles an actual backstory beyond what amount to bullet points in paragraph form.  Even in real life, trans people are defined by more than being trans and suffering from it. What was their clan like? Who did they marry? How did they get away from it? Do they have religious beliefs?  None of these and other questions are answered, your character is simply 'am trans/warrior woman'.

This character could work, if rewritten and fleshed out more, but I recommend not using it as an application.  The purpose of an application is to demonstrate your understanding of the lore and your ability to write a character that demonstrates that lore, and making an 'interesting character' should be a secondary concern, a bonus to the application.  You can always make experimental trans/feminist characters later, after you have the whitelist.  Perhaps something a little more traditional would be appropriate at this stage, though try to pick something you would enjoy playing rather than just a dummy character you're using simply for the purposes of an app.

Edited June 25, 2019 by Kaed

[Scheveningen]

Just highlighting someone posted criticism of a character asking questions already answered in the initial application.

Quote

What was their clan like? Who did they marry?

Quote

Sakszha, born in 2390 as Shuzko Sassoak, had the misfortune of being a warrior’s soul born into a frail woman’s body. Throughout her early life she chafed at her clan’s expectations, forced to cook and clean and other such honourless task, denied the warrior’s life that was rightfully hers. Being crass, violent and unladylike, her clan struggled to find her a husband for many years, eventually finding a man so weak-willed as to agree to the marriage for a pittance. She proved a poor wife indeed, angry and distracted from all her womanly duties.

Quote

How did they get away from it? 

Quote

The aliens came when she was already well into her forties, bringing with them the grand opportunity to escape her loathsome life to the stars. Intimidating her husband into arranging passage on a ship, the two had the misfortune of being picked up by a band of raiders. While her husband quickly perished, she impressed the aliens and her own kind both with her incredible knack for violence, despite her gentle sex, and finally acknowledged her as, if not one with a man’s body, then at least a true warrior’s soul, and took up the name of Sakszha. Rising up the ranks of S’kraskin Seryo’s raiders, they participated in the Lightning War for Moroz and earned their place as a House Noble under their new clan, Kazkhz.

The application cuts the exposition and gets straight to the point of the only relevant information necessary to convey certain points. It's weird to expect a standard where your exposition must be THIS BIG,
and then yet there's difficulty with reading, digesting and interpreting 3 paragraphs of text that already answers the questions you want to ask?

Doing that in addition to character-bashing by calling someone's character a snowflake for no good reason or justification just doesn't make a lot of sense, not to mention the low-key transphobia that's lurking in some of the critics' posts here. Like, could you not, and take that elsewhere? It's not constructive. It's not useful. It doesn't afford the OP any ground to answer questions comfortably when certain individuals come in with "I think your character is garbage," and nothing else constructive.

[Guest Marlon Phoenix]

This app has clearly inflamed the passions of some people but its not going to be very helpful for me to come to a decision if your post doesn't remain constructive. 

The gender roles and oppressive views towards women are valid as central themes for a female character. A "vanilla" female unathi app would hamstring them into writing a lady who cooked and cleaned quietly and passively for her clan before coming to tau ceti to get money by working as a cook. Not exactly the most riveting character concept but its one many apps have done for women. This app is a breath of fresh air in that it tackles themes ive laid out explicitly. 

I find some feedback calling any inclusion of the Unathi's perspective on the soul and gender to be "snowflake" really strange. It's just a part of their society lol!

With that said i have some questions i want to ask.

What religion was her clan, how was she raised? Was she exposed to the other faiths? Was she sympathetic towards them? Did she ever seek guidance from priests or shamans?

How did she impress the raiders? That would be a good story beat. Did she participate in a fight to repel boarders? Did she beat some of them up in a duel? Was it right away or was it over time as she was stuck cleaning their laundry and cooking for them?

Finally there is what seems to be an inconsistency in her motivation; she doesn't like the human influence on Dominia but she comes to tau ceti, which is human dominated? To help keep consistent with the character and keep her themes (and maybe give her good motivation ic) what would you say to her new drive being to become a Kataphract, inspired by the Lady who was denied twice by Notzar Izweski to be High Kataphract, before impressing him and the other High Kataphract with feats of martial skill? It probably would make her the talk of station unathi to see she is a Hopeful. That is a suggestion i have; you can go in any direction.

 

[Doxxmedearly]

Seems like a great character, lots of depth, lots of exploring established unathi lore in a way most haven't from what I've seen. You have great character concepts and better execution, making your characters feel like they have lives outside of the station with plenty of substance to them. Props for making an app with what's apparently a controversial concept, despite it being lore-accurate. Reminds me of applying with a Guwan. Also, you play one excellent Dominian character, so I've no doubt you'll bring out the Empire in this one.

I'd like to see more details with the question about what makes roleplaying them different from a human, even though I'm sure you do understand.

I'd like to see JB's points addressed, as well, as these are some thoughts I shared. However, for now I give a hearty +1 based on the app, your RP, and your ooc conduct. 

[stev]

19 hours ago, Senpai Jackboot said:

What religion was her clan, how was she raised? Was she exposed to the other faiths? Was she sympathetic towards them? Did she ever seek guidance from priests or shamans?

They were raised in a small, rural pre-contact town providing minor goods and services to surrounding villages in a family at the lower end of the middle classes. The clan followed Sk'akh; although the faith acknowledges men born into the wrong bodies, the sleepy, quiet nature of the town meant that its shaman was complacent and didn't consider the unladylike Sakzsha to be anything other than a nuisance, cementing their lifelong resentment towards Moghes and the Hegemony. They converted to belief in the Moroz Holy Tribunal following the foundation of Dominia though remains somewhat skeptical of some of it's deviation from Sk'akh, following a slightly muddled combination of the half-remembered doctrines of Sk'akh and the modern Edicts of the Tribunal.

 

19 hours ago, Senpai Jackboot said:

How did she impress the raiders? That would be a good story beat. Did she participate in a fight to repel boarders? Did she beat some of them up in a duel? Was it right away or was it over time as she was stuck cleaning their laundry and cooking for them?

While I was initially disinclined from the laundry and cooking option, I think that's what I'll end up going with. Seeing an opportunity to finally escape the woman's life, they would consistently hound and challenge the raiders while stuck doing those duties, eventually earning a fight mainly from irritating them into giving up and letting then fight. While inexperienced and ultimately losing the duel, they displayed such fire that they allowed them to train with the warriors, perhaps chiefly for amusement, but displayed such drive and fire that an accompanying shaman deemed them a warrior's soul born into the wrong body.

 

19 hours ago, Senpai Jackboot said:

Finally there is what seems to be an inconsistency in her motivation; she doesn't like the human influence on Dominia but she comes to tau ceti, which is human dominated? To help keep consistent with the character and keep her themes (and maybe give her good motivation ic) what would you say to her new drive being to become a Kataphract, inspired by the Lady who was denied twice by Notzar Izweski to be High Kataphract, before impressing him and the other High Kataphract with feats of martial skill? It probably would make her the talk of station unathi to see she is a Hopeful. That is a suggestion i have; you can go in any direction.

While I'm not keen on the Kataphract idea, as that doesn't mesh well with their resentment of the Hegemony and some traditional Unathi customs, the point of muddled motivations is valid. I currently envision their motivations and conflicts as:

• Becoming tired of the pressures and the restraining politeness of Dominian Noble society, especially with it being run more and more by humans and with the recent outlawing of slavery
• Wanting to figure out their self-identity in a place with laxer cultural expectations before their soul joins with the Great Spirit/Goddess, conflicting with their opinion of humans and their meddling within the Empire
• Trying to embody the traditional image of the warrior, conflicting with their self-identity issues 

although these will likely change and develop as I play it out ingame. I am, of course, intentionally making the character conflicted on a number of issues so there's a lot for them to work out through play. I could definitely see me doing a female Hopeful as a separate character by the way!

Edited June 25, 2019 by stev

[stev]

I thought I'd post their planned flavour text, as that might help demonstrate my knowledge of the lore more to people's satisfaction.

 

General: Standing at just over six feet, this ancient-looking Unathi looks grizzled and weathered; their black scales are fading with age to a dull, patchy grey and their squat, muscled form is usually hunched over a walking stick. They walk with a slight limp, favouring their left leg.

An Unathi might notice a couple other things. Most striking is their oddly androgynous appearance, masculine in bearing and musculature but effeminate in their snout shape and proportions. Their accent in Sinta tongues is a rural and rough Moghean, likely from a village swallowed up by the Wastes, but with a sophisticated vocabulary suggesting higher education later in life.

Head: Their horns are enormous! Their venerable horns spiral out and then inward in a way that must surely have been cultivated not to dig into their skull. Long, weathered frills extend from the top of their head down to the base of their neck.

Face: Their teeth are oddly assorted in condition, some cracked and dulled while others are shiny and sharp; this might indicate some teeth were grown in later than others to replace lost ones.

Eyes: One eye is an old, faded yellow, the other bright, seemingly thirty years younger. Both seem tired, though sometimes burn with a fiery passion.

Arms: The scales of their right arm have been stained in Peizi juice with a simplified depiction of Emperor Seryo’s imperial standard, clearly reminiscent of Human tattoos; it seems to be carefully maintained.

Hands: Their claws have grown long and slightly curved over the years, although two on the side of the right hand is oddly short and straight; a Dominian might recognise this as a tailored replacement.

Legs: A large patch of scales on their right leg are a shiny, pure black; a Dominian might recognise this as a tailored replacement.

Feet: Their claws have grown long and slightly curved over the years.

Edited June 27, 2019 by stev

[Guest Marlon Phoenix]

Sorry for the delay, I am getting to this tomorrow.

[Guest Marlon Phoenix]

Hmm, I accept your responses to my questions. Taking into consideration your eagerness to accommodate unathi lore with your character and adjustments you've made so far I believe I can trust you with this character and a unathi whitelist.